Remember the old TV ads, ‘the Viking Butter Man is down your street today!’ and there was some poor devil dressed up as Erik the Greasy, or in other adverts he’d be a carrot or a tube of toothpaste? You couldn’t miss him.It’s a shame that burglars have given up traditional costume because you probably won’t spot him walking down your street today.
He can be anything under 35, fairly fit and about nine or ten stone. There is no dress code as long as it merges with the night – he could be one of the millions of clones that we are all slowly turning into. He’ll be proceeding in a coma on his daily round, wearing that hypnotised stare that you see on people on buses or the tube, totally disinterested and far away.
The burglar ID
Our man might look like that in his uniform of jeans, baggy denim top and maybe a bobble hat. To the casual observer he’s probably a labourer on some local job. That’s partly correct because he is hoping to be occupied locally and the job that he has in mind will be done on your home. He’s not into gardening or putting down a new path, but is principally interested in entering your home without your consent and stealing everything that he considers that he can sell on. The rest he will dismiss as utterly worthless, although he might smash or ruin certain objects in a search to find something better.
Once inside your home, the robber’s reactions depend entirely on their disposition, so the obvious response is to deprive him of the chance of examining your home and its contents. Our man is fully aware that some people do actually go to the trouble of defending their possessions, which is why he’s inspecting the locality today on a reconnaissance mission. He is a professional, for his job is to enter, steal and leave without trace. What he doesn’t want is trouble.
Targeting the burglary
The robber picks his time carefully, when there’s not too much happening, that empty hour when Dad’s just gone to work and Mum’s on the school run. There are other favourable slots which are determined by the area, its activities and the time of year. Winter offers the cover of early darkness, but the risk of some nosey Neighbourhood Watch twerp wondering why a stranger is on patrol. The light of summer means that the burglar’s inspection has to be much more covert, but to compensate for this unfair advantage the victims leave open their doors and windows!
Like every profession, burglary has its ups and downs. Today our unqualified surveyor and housing inspector will walk up and down your road, street or avenue looking for two types of dwellings, one that is a pushover and another that he will avoid like the plague. Here’s how he reaches a decision.
What a robber loves
He starts on his way past the houses and gives each the once over. He goes through the sequences expertly and as unobtrusively as possible because time is not on his side. He can’t risk going back for a second look, not today anyway, so the inspection has to be snappy and correct.
Right, the first house has a high hedge which the occupant imagines gives him some form of security. It doesn’t. What it does do in its present state is condemn dad to endless hedge trimming and offer privacy to the family and any burglar crouching there waiting for his moment. The thief isn’t madly in love with hedges because they can be a damn nuisance if he has to leave in a hurry, but they do offer cover in an emergency.
That’s a good start and an even better sign is the half-open garden gate. Any kind of gate is a barrier, and if it is closed it might lead to a moment’s fatal delay in the thief’s progress as he is forced to lift the latch instead of quietly and unobtrusively slipping through. The gate itself couldn’t stop a charging butterfly, but if it is closed it shows that the occupants are aware that they want the enclosed area of their home to stay that way.
This house is inviting a caller because, believe it or not, the half-open gate is twinned with an ‘I’ll only be out for five minutes!’ fully open garage door. He makes a mental note to the effect that if the residents have not had brain surgery by his next recce he could be on to a winner.